Day 60...Red Light District -25th August

Woke up (as you do) the usual time and shot straight for Amsterdam! the Dutch countryside was very deep green and wet, and it was raining. We got there by lunch and were quite pleased. but then it took us an hour in line at the TIC to book accommodation, then another 4 hours to drive our car to the car park, and tram it to our hotel. It was not due to any bad navigation on our part, Amsterdam was a difficult city - like Dublin. Some cities you do well, others you want to rip your hair out. But Amsterdam was a really pretty city to drive around in, so it was amazing while you were getting lost.

Our hotel was called Hotel Destine, just outside the centre. It was run by a strange Dutch man, and we were on the top floor, up several flights of stairs. The stairs were so steep, it was practically a vertical climb!!! The ceilings were high so we had to walk up lots and lots of steps. Our room was kinda crumy but private with a shared shower and shared toilet. It was a place to hang our hats and we were pleased. We sat and ate the best strawberries we had ever eaten before heading out. They were so plump and juicy and sweet, nothing like at home. Astounding. We showered and dressed and contacted Kristin who takes ages to text back (hi kristin!). So we began bar hopping without her, waiting for her to get back to us. We made a slow beeline up to Dam Square, drinking wine and beer. We had a quick light dinner as well. Amsterdam is a really beautiful city. Its got skinny laneways and tall thin, rickety houses squished side by side along a meandering web of canal waterways. Along this is dotted with quirky boats and housboats. We went to Dam Square and met up with Kristin and Chris. It was so good to see them again! Its also so weird to meet up in 'the world' you know? crazy!

They'd been in Amsterdam for 4 days, and were trying to find a flat to live in, which is easier said than done in Amsterdam. They were currently sleeping on the floor of a friends house. In Dam Square there was some concert on intruducing acts that were to be playing in various venues for some festival (which was why the TIC was packed). The Blue Man Group did a short piece so we watched that for a bit.

After that? We went straight to the Red Light District! It was quite amusing as it was so innocent and touristy, yet so sex driven. The girls wave at everyone in the windows, one chick was standing in her cubical leaning over putting sauce on her hamburger! What a laugh. We went into a Scandinavian bar for a few drinks, run by what looked like an ex stripper/prostitute. There were two sad looking hookers sitting there as well. After a few drinks and laughs we went toa coffeeshop and bought a joint. In Amsterdam there are coffee houses and coffee shops. The coffeeshops sell pot. Nate enjoyed the novelty value of it - where else in the world can you do that? The coffeeshops here are quite funny, mainly holes in the wall. They have paintings all over the walls and rickety chairs. We saw one guy who had had too much, and was being comforted by friends.

We then headed back to the Red Light District and picked a sex show. The RLD is now all tourists based, so we couldnt find any seedy underground ones at all. So we picked a show that gave us some drinks and sat down. It was really strange as the whole thing felt so standard, like going to Movie World or something, yet the topic was not the usual. The place was full of tourists doing what we were doing and no weirdos anywhere. it made it all seem ok and normal. There were rotating acts, all done by copletely disinterested girls who had invested in boob jobs, but not body image as they were all cellulitey and unhealthy looking. My faves were a bored girl dancing to bad 80's music, which was more bad dancing than erotic strip, but then at the end of several songs, just lay on her back and promptly smoked a cigar with her cha cha while cycling her legs in the air. She managed to puff in time to the music funnily enough. the other fave was a black couple where the girl was the only semi-hot one for the night, and the guy was done up in a full batman outfit. Batman theme music was playing, and despite his full garb and mask, he must have felt stagefright. She covered for him quite a bit, but he seemed quite flaccid to us.

Apart from stripping and what not, there were 3 couples that got down and dirty. The 2nd couple were fat and ugly and totally funny. Both times the stage rose up and spun around so you could see everything. There was nothing sexy about it. One girl was dancing to a banana song and wanted volunteers on stage. I was kinda tipsy and kept pointing at Nate when he wasn't looking. A Canadian guy bouncedu p right away, then no one else. She beckoned to Nathan but he declined. He said "you go" so I said "fine" and went up with 4 other guys. I got a few cheers for going up! I could see Nate grinning at me in the crowd. He knew what I was in for - I didn't. I was joined by an adelaide guy and an israeli guy. Banana chick had a separate dance with each one of us but no one touched each other and dancing felt really goofy. Then we had to dance in a conga line whereupon a guy in gorilla suit came out as a gag and joined us. he kept saying something in dutch to me but I had no idea what he was saying. After that it seemed all over, so I turned to Adelaide guy and said "woo, at least we didn't have to do anything with a banana'" wrong!

She lined us up (me last on purpose), then lay down and popped a banana in herself and peeled it. I was totally alarmed and turned to the Israeli guy next to me and said if he took a big bite, he was dead! All four of us had to kneel on all fours and bit a piece of the banana. When it was my turn, there were lots of cheers and whistles as I was the only chick. I tried to bite as little as possible and run away, but she swung her leg behind my neck and tried to push me in! I pushed back with my neck as hard as I could, so there was a little invisible tug of war on stage! I was forced to eat a big last bit, but got only banana thank god, and sat up to large cheers and whistles from the crowd. then I was led by the hand like a lady off the stage by the gorilla. He did a wank joke after that and the water landed on me! It never ends! Anyways the guys in front of us where impressed and gave me their drink cards which was alright! Had more drinks, and watched some old couple with a whip who needed a volunteer. Canadian guy bounced up again, but was promptly humiliated when she pulled down his pants and we all saw his rather small member lit up by the lights on stage. When we left and went outside, someone was vomiting into the canal, and we think it was him!

Part of our show ticket included an hour at the Banana Lounge (what is it with bananas already?) with unlimited drinks for that hour. Inside, there wre two floors and we went to the second as we could get seats. Up on the bar were 4-5 ladies, most of them a bit heavyset and olderish. They were all but naked and walked over the bar serving us drinks. A blonde kept pushing for a $50 show which we declined, but watched another group do it. They rubbed their boobs in his face, then wrote a postcard for him with their...ah, special bits. An olderish Asian lady who was more motherly than sexy kept our drinks constantly filled, so we got very very drunk. It was good value. Chris would ask for a scotch, and get a triple scotch from her instead! Nathan had been bouncing from beer to scotch to gin throughout the night.

I don't really remember too much after that. We went to another bar, (a normal one) but they stopped serving drinks so we went to another and caught up with Kristins friends. There wre 2 Johns, a Katie and a Tavis. they were all lovely and we spent an hour or two talking and laughing with them. We heard the Pirates of the Carribean in techno version and Kristin and I loved it.

We finished up around 4.30am, and the public transport system was closed so we had to catch taxis. Chris ended up vomiting out the window of his, while Nate and I got dropped off in teh wrong part of town and had to stagger back home, thanks to Nathans excellent homing skills. I recall trying to sleep on the stairs as they were so steep, you only had to lean forward a few inches and you were lying down anyway! Crawled up using hands as well and got to the room and passed out. Joy.